Contemplating Divorce in 2020 – Family Law Attorneys Morristown NJ
One or both partners set resolutions, and if the marriage has been on the rocks, there may be the intention to initiate a divorce.
January is unofficially considered the ‘divorce month.’ This is because, after the holidays, which are typically a time full of family and fanfare from November through New Year’s Eve, couples really begin to consider what they would like to bring into being in the new year.
If divorce is one of your New Year’s resolutions this year, take the following considerations into account to ensure that your decision is well-thought-out and the process can be swift so that you and your family can each move on in highest alignment and wellbeing.
Consider the timeline
If divorce feels inevitable, create a timeline for yourself by which you will transition to habits and schedules that meet your needs and goals as an individual. This means, begin the transition from the inside out. What will your future return to singledom look and feel like? What will be self-care rituals that you will engage in regularly? What new goals will you pursue that have not been possible in your current marital arrangement? Set a timeline for the initiation or even completion of these inner and outer goals, and hold yourself accountable for stepping into the best version of your sovereign self, whatever stage of the process of divorce you are in.
Be gentle with yourself.
The decision to divorce is a huge one, and no small amount of emotional upheaval is likely. Plan for the waves of grief, anger, and fear by being intentionally gentle with yourself during this time of uncertainty. Be extra focused on engaging in self-care throughout the day, using such practices like meditation, yoga, envisioning, and journaling to help you move arising energy through your body and process thoughts involved. Remember that the fear mind is likely to emerge, creating all kinds of dramatic stories in your mind; don’t believe everything that you think. Pay attention to the feelings in your body; tending to them will help you access more positive thoughts.
Assess whether divorce is the best step forward.
Once you are grounded in a sense of inner sovereignty, agency, and emotional stability, it is possible to engage such questions as to whether divorce is truly the next best step. From a place of equanimity, ask yourself such questions as
- What dynamics do my partner and I have that cause conflict in our relationship? Have we exhausted all manners of shifting these dynamics to realign in healthy presence together, and we are still caught?
- Have we sought support to address our differences?
- Am I my fullest, happiest self in the relationship? If not, what aspects of myself have I given up? Are they the fault of the relationship, or have I given away my power?
- What direction would my life take if I was in highest alignment and integrity with myself? What direction would my partner’s life take if they were in highest alignment and integrity with themselves? Are they compatible, or is it time to step away, so that each can fulfill their purpose?
List the pros and cons.
From an objective standpoint, consider the reasons your marriage is a benefit to your life, and the reasons it is detrimental. Considerations could include
- Emotional health
- Financial freedom or dependence
- Children and family
- Relational dynamics
This is an important time to truly consider how the relationship makes you feel, and how you are acting within it. Many people get caught in being a people pleaser or acting from a mindset of fear, co-dependence, or lack. Be willing to look at the way you show up to your relationship honestly, and seek the support you need to address any unresolved internal blocks you may find that do not necessarily stem from the relationship but are triggered by it.
You’ve decided to divorce.
Once the decision to divorce has been made, there are a few important steps to immediately take:
- Get your finances in order. Make copies of your financial records.
- Check for forgotten assets. Savings accounts, IRAs, investments, etc. could be quietly gathering or holding funds that you each have a claim to.
- Itemize your current budget, including mortgage or housing costs, food, children’s costs, insurance, medical expenses, vacations, etc.
You’re taking steps to claim your sovereignty and wellbeing and follow your own path. Be proud of yourself and grateful for the opportunity to grow.
Consult an Experienced Morristown Divorce Attorney
At Jacobs Berger, LLC, our legal attorneys are experienced in supporting divorce agreements across Morris County and Northern New Jersey
Our direct approach ensures that our clients receive their full share in a legal separation, all the while handling the minutia so they can attend to their physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing and that of their children during this time of transition.