Even the simplest custody issues can feel like emotional Jenga, where each decision affects the delicate balance of your child’s well-being and each parent’s responsibilities. But when custody becomes more complex—whether due to relocation, disagreements on parenting plans, or other challenges—things can quickly feel overwhelming.
Yet while immediate answers to questions like “Can I move out of state with my child?” or “What happens if we can’t agree on parenting time?” may not always be clear-cut, the focus remains on finding the best solution for the child’s future.
What happens if we can’t agree about our custody or parenting time plan?
Not all custody disputes involve one parent packing up and moving to a new address. Sometimes, parents can’t agree on the basics, like who gets the kids on weekends, how to handle holidays, or what to do about unplanned schedule changes.
There are two general routes to resolving disagreements about custody and parenting time: mediation and court intervention via litigation.
Mediation
Mediation is a form of confidential alternative dispute resolution that leads to a more customized outcome than litigation.
During the process, a neutral third party helps you and your co-parent work through your concerns about custody and parenting time. Although a mediator won’t make decisions for you, they’ll help facilitate discussions between you and your co-parent to reach a mutually agreeable solution.
While mediation isn’t binding, if an agreement is reached, the mediator can help draft a memorandum of understanding that attorneys can review and submit to the court for approval.
Mediation isn’t just an optional route to resolution. For co-parents proceeding toward a custody trial, New Jersey courts also require a mandated custody mediation session except in cases involving domestic violence or safety concerns.
Court intervention
If mediation efforts are ultimately unsuccessful, the court may ultimately need to make determinations about how to resolve the conflict. They look at the situation thoroughly through the lens of the child’s best interest, which can include:
- Each parent’s ability and willingness to communicate and cooperate
- The stability of each home environment
- The preference of the child, depending on their age and maturity
No matter what, the court’s decision will be guided by one central principle: maintaining a strong relationship with both parents—unless there’s a reason not to, such as an ability to care for the child due to addiction or a history of not providing a safe environment for the child.
What happens if a party wants to relocate?
Whether it’s a new job, a new relationship, or just the chance for some new scenery, relocation can throw a wrench in custody arrangements.
New Jersey courts treat relocation seriously, especially if it impacts your child’s access to both parents. In 2017, New Jersey’s Supreme Court shifted the standard for relocation cases. Before that, the parent of the primary residence often had the advantage; generally, they could move as long as there was a good reason and there was not harm to the child in doing so
Now, both parents have equal footing in these questions, and the court focuses on one question: what’s best for the child?
Relocating out of state
Any out-of-state relocation, whether to a neighboring state like New York or across the country to California, requires either parental consent or a court order. Without one of these, a parent generally cannot relocate with their child.
Discussing relocation with a co-parent can be difficult and emotional. Mediation may be a good option for some families, helping them explore their options for a modified custody arrangement with the help of a neutral third party. However, if parents can’t come to an agreement, it may be necessary to have a relocation hearing.
During the hearing, the court will evaluate whether the move is truly in the child’s best interests. Key questions the court will consider include:
- Is the move necessary for financial stability or better job opportunities?
- How will it impact your child’s education and social life?
- Can a reasonable parenting time schedule be maintained that won’t harm each parent’s relationship with the child?
If your co-parent proposes relocation and you are concerned that the move isn’t in your child’s favor, you can object. However, be prepared for the court to ask for concrete reasons.
Your attorney can help you prepare an argument demonstrating how the proposed move could negatively impact the child’s best interests. For example, they might argue that the move would significantly impact your ability to maintain meaningful parenting time with your child or would reduce your child’s access to the same level of educational opportunities. It’s important to work closely with your attorney so you can develop an argument that reflects your specific family situation.
Relocating within New Jersey
There are a lot of “it depends” answers to questions about custody, and the question of relocation is no exception.
It is possible to relocate depending on how your plan was written and the potential impacts on your parenting time plan. For example, if there is a radius clause within your agreement, then relocation would be subject to those terms. On the other hand, it could be allowable but the circumstances might warrant a review of the schedule or a potential modification of custody.
Generally speaking, though, if you’re considering a move, keep communication open with both your attorney and your co-parent. Your attorney can help you understand what your options are according to your parenting time plan, but also how to have a productive conversation with your co-parent about it.
Keep in mind that if a move does impact your parenting time plan, your co-parent could challenge the move in court. For example, if your move requires a four-hour drive and your parenting time plan has you equally sharing weekdays, your co-parent could object and file a motion to modify the custody agreement to reflect the change in circumstances.
How does domestic violence affect custody?
When domestic violence is involved, custody matters become far more complex. If there’s evidence of abuse—physical, emotional, financial, or psychological—the court’s primary focus shifts to issues of safety.
Impact on custody
For a parent who has faced allegations or a history of domestic violence, the court may opt to limit or even deny custody altogether. When making custody decisions in cases involving domestic violence, the court will look at factors like:
- The nature and severity of the domestic violence
- How recently the incidents occurred
- Whether the parent accused of abuse is considered a danger
- Whether the act was within earshot of the child, was witnessed by the child, or directly involved the child
- The criminal record of the offending parent
In some cases, the court may allow supervised parenting time, but this is typically only after thoroughly evaluating the situation. It’s also important to note that under the New Jersey Prevention of Domestic Violence Act, both the alleged victim and the child can be protected by restraining orders that restrict or eliminate contact with the accused parent.
Temporary and final restraining orders
Restraining orders, whether temporary or permanent, can have a major impact on child custody arrangements. Temporary restraining orders (TROs) are issued based on preliminary findings. They are intended as a short-term protective measure until a final restraining order hearing can be scheduled (usually within ten days).
Depending on the circumstances, a TRO may immediately override existing custody agreements, restrict parenting time, or even pause it altogether. TROs can also limit communication between parents. When the court hasn’t previously decided custody, a TRO might establish the first formal custody order.
On the other hand, a final restraining order can make these changes permanent and may impose even stricter limitations. Depending on the situation, the court may:
- Limit or supervise parenting time
- Assign a third party to oversee parenting exchanges
- Require counseling or parenting classes for the accused parent
- Order mental health evaluations
- Include the child as a protected party under the restraining order
While a parent accused of domestic violence doesn’t automatically lose their custody rights, the court’s priority is always the child’s safety and well-being. This is why having an experienced family law attorney by your side is crucial in navigating these complex matters.
A seasoned child custody attorney can de-stress the process
An experienced family law attorney can help you navigate the legalities of complex custody situations, whether that’s opposing a relocation, negotiating or modifying a custody plan, or figuring out the right path through domestic violence issues.
Beyond the legal aspects, an experienced attorney can also help keep your stress levels in check. They’ll guide you through the process, explain what to expect, and make sure your rights are protected at every turn.
Complex custody matters in New Jersey aren’t easy, but with the proper knowledge and a little legal backup, you can confidently approach them.
